everything feels different.

but everything's the same.

please be there for me.
i'll be waiting.
with a gun and a pack of sandwiches.
and nothing.
nothing.

fitter happier

every time i get drunk.
i realize what a great album ok computer is.
and how it really did change my life.

well not maybe EVERY TIME.
but OK Computer is the album.
the album.
holy shit.
I'm really fucking drunk.

all I want for Christmas.

is to go somewhere else for New Years.
And see someone else.

moving

maybe.
oh god, please let this work out.

stepping up

i'm stepping up
on the ladder.
a few more rungs
and i'm there.

dreams are funny things

i dreamed a dream.
it showed me things.
like how ignorant I am.
and how I'm wasting my time.
it was so obvious.
i'm not going to be ignorant.
i'm not going to waste any more time.

2008 has been the worst year of my life.
complete with:
alcoholism,
a million failed friendships/relationships,
alienation,
joblessness,
interventions,
a band breaking up,
writers block,
and being on my own for the first time.

but i'm changing.

and making things better.

perfection

perfect.
just perfect.

inhale exhale

breathe in
breathe out
she's not here
but i keep breathing
hoping
praying

she talks with little effort
it all comes out as poetry
and i smile a good deal these days


she makes me want to be a better person
makes me want to change
for the better

i hope i'm not seventeen anymore

I suck

i wanted to write
i don't think i can
put it into words
what i want to say
and my ideas
and theories
into words